Body Surfing

I had just accepted a job as Sous Chef at Donecker’s of Ephrata, a high class French restaurant. This followed a summer of working two bartending jobs, weekends on the line at Donecker’s, and attempting a sales gig – all simultaneously. With time before my start date, we decided to go to Ocean City, MD for a week. No reservations, we were winging it. We managed to get a small room under the stairwell at the French Quarter. When I say small, you had to scoot sideways between the end of the bed and the dresser to get past the bed to the bathroom. The bathroom was so small you couldn’t change you mind in there. In fact, you had to exit the shower to turn around. But it was a block from the beach, it was an adventure.

Our first full day we went to the beach. The surf was energetic but not dangerously so. Entering the water one could go out about 10 yards to chest level, proceed further to find yourself going up a sand bar until the water was knee level. This, I found later, was due to dredging going on offshore.

The first few times in the water were fairly uneventful, though I did feel a 2 or 3 foot fish brush up against me as it swam between my legs. I was also bit by what I assume was a crab, drawing blood. Disconcerting, but far from alarming.

After 10 minutes or so of body surfing, I find myself caught in a wave totally out of control. Unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the shallow area and was driven into the sand bar face first.

This impact I can only describe as being akin to a home run swing with a baseball bat connecting to my face. I could feel my spine ripple from top to bottom. Getting to my feet, I heard shrieks coming from fellow bathers. My entire chest and front of my trunks were covered in blood….my blood. My head was pretty numb and I couldn’t feel my face. Holding may hand to my face, blood was spurting copiously from my mouth or nose area, I could not determine which. Making my way to shore, I was stopped by the lifeguard who asked me to lie down. I said, I need to get my girlfriend and off I went.

Now, those that know Linda will verify that she is an excitable type, but I was so proud of her when I said, “Linda, the lifeguard wants to talk to me“. She looked up from her book and very quietly said, “Oh my” and then very calmly started gathering our valuables.

As the lifeguard helped me to my back, I asked were was all this blood coming from, at this point I thought my lip was split because my mustache felt separated in the middle. He leaned over me and said, “I think your nose is broken” , during this sentence he placed his index and second fingers on the top of my left cheek bone, right under my eye, and moved my nose off my face, back to almost it’s original position. Evidently, as Linda confirmed, it was flat against my face.

Promptly the captain of lifeguards arrived on an ATV. They placed me in a collar on a backboard. Hoisting me onto the ATV they drove me to the boardwalk were an ambulance awaited. It is a singular experience being immobilized flat on your back looking skyward. Until reaching the boardwalk and seeing dozens of strangers heads, pointing, looking shocked and distressed at this bloody mess being hauled off the beach. Women covering their mouths, kids going EEEWW, look at all the blood. It was definitely a happening.

On the ride to the medical center, the EMTs were checking my extremities for feeling. I was terrified that I had a broken neck and for the first time I prayed, figuring, it can’t hurt. Turns out, I was not paralyzed, luckily, a week earlier someone was in the same area, doing the same thing and was not as lucky.

At the Medical Center they had trouble getting decent X-Rays due to their equipment, I had to stand at all sorts of angles holding weighted bags. The doctor examining me asked, “How long were you unconscious?” I said not at all, thankfully, I would have drowned. He says both of my eardrums are perforated, which indicates a severe blow, usually resulting in being knocked unconscious. He then swabbed the blood out of both my ears, a procedure I hope never to repeat.

As it was my nose was broken and would need to be reset, all of the skin was off of my forehead and the back of both hands. Releasing me, the doctor prescribed some painkillers saying you will not believe the pain you will be in tomorrow. I thought, yeah, sure.

Walking out into the bright sunlight, I immediately sneezed and my nose started bleeding. They gave me some gauze to hold there and Linda and I went the shuttle bus stop. Luckily we had just enough cash on us for the two fares needed for the 40 or so blocks back to our hotel. What a sight, me holding the gauze to my nose, raw skinned forehead and hands, clad only in my new swim trunks crusted, along with my chest, with blood.

Well the doctor was right, I awoke the next morning in extreme pain from my head to my feet. Both my eyes were black and my face was swelled so much I couldn’t put on my glasses. The rest of the week was pretty low key.

We had to drive to Salisbury for my X-Rays which was more than a little inconvenient. Going to the doctor to reset my nose, he asked who set this originally. I said the lifeguard, he said he did a great job, pretty straight, no breathing obstructions, I’m going to leave it alone.

Linda insists my nose is crooked, but I can live with it.